Thursday, May 25, 2017

Li'l Dickie Dutchboy

LI'L DICKIE DUTCHBOY CHAPTER 1: "This morning," the old man whispered, staring into his whiskey with cold, hopeless eyes. "Two hookers was found beheaded in the Motel 6 up the street..." "Holy jumpin' catfish!" exclaimed Li'l Dickie Dutchboy. "Sounds like a heck of a mystery!" --To be continued...

LI'L DICKIE DUTCHBOY CHAPTER 2: Li'l Dickie Dutchboy stood behind yellow police tape outside the motel. A cop yelled, "Get back folks! Nothing to see here!" "Shucks!" said Li'l Dickie Dutchboy. "What a gyp!" A toothless woman nudged him. She was drinking a beer, a cigarette hanging from her bruised lips. "I know who killed them two whores," she said. "Holy bananas!" cried Li'l Dickie Dutchboy.--To be continued...

LI'L DICKIE DUTCHBOY CHAPTER 3: Li'l Dickie Dutchboy followed the toothless woman to a small, dark apartment that smelled of sour milk and spilled beer. Roaches scuttled across the dirty dishes stacked in the sink. "Gee whiz, ma'am, can't you tell me who the killer is now?" She lit a smoke and jerked a thumb toward the sink. "I'll tell ya soon as you do them dishes." "Awwww, dadgum it!" cried Li'l Dickie Dutchboy. --To be continued...

LI'L DICKIE DUTCHBOY CHAPTER 4: After Li'l Dickie Dutchboy finished the dishes, vacuumed, took out the trash and scrubbed the toilet, he trudged over to the toothless woman who had passed out on the couch. "Ma'am? I'm done. Will you tell me who the killer is NOW?" She opened her dim red eyes and slurred, "How the hell should I know?" "Holy jumpin' Moses!" cried Li'l Dickie Dutchboy. "I've been hornswoggled!" --To be continued...

LI'L DICKIE DUTCHBOY CHAPTER 5: Li'l Dickie Dutchboy returned to the scene of the crime. The yellow tape remained but the police and most of the spectators had gone. A large woman wearing a dirty bathrobe approached him. "I know who kilt them prosty-toots. If you come to my house and clean my toilet, I'll tell you who done it," she said. "Aw, banana oil!" cried Li'l Dickie Dutchboy. "I'm wise to you!" --To be continued...

LI’L DICKIE DUTCHBOY, CHAPTER 6: Li’l Dickie Dutchboy returned to the Parallelogram Pub, climbed atop a barstool and said, “May I please have a Roy Rodgers?”
     Fat Jack, the bartender, said, “Comin’ right up, Li’l Dickie Dutchboy.”
     The old man who’d told Li’l Dickie Dutchboy about the double homicide at the Motel 6 was still sitting at the bar, staring into his whiskey. He turned toward Li’l Dickie Dutchboy. 
     “What’s ailin’ ye, lad?” he said.
     “Aw, I’ve been trying to solve the mystery you told me about, but, gee-willikers, I got nothing but dead-ends.”
     “Well, shit-fire, son, I kin tell ye who done it.”
     “You can?”
     “Well, sure. It was me. I kilt them two whores.”
     “Holy dancin’ mackerel!” cried Li’l Dickie Dutchboy.

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