Friday, June 9, 2017

Mourning the Lost Clamp of the Turtle's Jaw

Yet another denizen of The Membranous Lounge!

Kirton updated his Amazon page. Lame!

My roommate was swaddled in kelp,  his rushing lungs transmitting hot vaporous disease. Fissures under his eyes spelled out dead code. He was paying the price for eating too much deviled ham.. "The aroma itself is nourishing," he said, lacking a self.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Automatic in a Glittery Las Vegas Bathroom


The last time I was at the barber shop I found an old Men’s Daring magazine from the early 60’s. It was buried under the golfing magazines. I wondered what it was doing there. Inside was an article called How to Sin like Errol Flynn but I didn’t have time to read it before my haircut was ready.


Link to a Treasure

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Goin' Coconuts!



He wore a bitter, taciturn expression on his eighty-two-year-old face as he reached for the fuzzy brown coconut right there in the grocery store. He brought it (the coconut) up to his ear and shook it. There was a churning liquid sound inside. He placed the coconut back among the others, picked up a second, shook it. The sound it made was low, a bass sound. There was a sticker on the hairy shell. The sticker depicted a cartoon coconut with a face. He grabbed another coconut and shook it beside his ear. The fluid inside sounded viscid and dark. There was something primordial about the sound. Coconut milk from the dawn of time. This was the one.
     When he got the coconut home he lit a Camel (he didn’t believe smoking was unhealthy and he pointed to his advanced age as proof), and opened the coconut with a hammer and chisel.
     His daughter, who had perished in 1984 due to cervical cancer was inside (in curled fetal form) and he reached for another beer and began to weep.
     Then he ate the coconut.
This picture of Lori Saunders has nothing to do with anything.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Another Advertisement for that Goddamn Book with the Cyclops Baby on the Cover...

"Go ahead and grab Leaves from the Smorgasbord. You know you want it."
"Click here big boy."

This picture provided the inspiration for my story CRYSTAL SAID in Leaves from the Smorgasbord!
 

Saturday, May 20, 2017

When They Stop Taking Pictures



“When they stop taking pictures, it’s all over,” she said, lighting a Satin cigarette. She spoke with a languorous southern drawl.
     “How do you stand it? Being the center of attention all the time?”
     “How do you stand being a nobody all the time?”
     “People adore you.”
     “And I adore people, darling...”
     “It would drive me crazy. All the attention.”
     “My life is never dull.”
     “Again. That would be crazy-making for me.”
     “Oh, stop being such a child.”
     “I’m only seven!”
 


 You can buy books here!

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Leaves from the Smorgasbord is now Available for Purchase

At last! Leaves from the Smorgasbord is available for purchase!



My goat ate my book



Read what the critics are implying about Leaves from the Smorgasbord!

“Reads like lard in an artery.”
                                 --Jack “Spaz” Spazmoid

“Leaves from the Smorgasbord really smokes! Crack.
                                  ++Bookgoat.

“Get out your spackle and buckle up to tackle the treacle!”
                                 --Marsha Something

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Briarpatch



In July of 1968, eleven full-time members of the Briarpatch commune, as well as several itinerant hippie drifters and various hangers on, were gathered around a bonfire, singing a favored song by the psychedelic combo The Crystal Asparagus. Lydia, (sometimes called Gossamer) a frail, beautiful nineteen-year-old girl was watching big Goran Muth smoke a joint. The joint had been poorly rolled and was canoeing rapidly, twists of smoke escaping into the acid-charged atmosphere. The smoke curled into shapes as vivid and ceremonial as cave paintings, and Gossamer tried to memorize each one before it turned invisible in the dark air. She saw faces and bodies writhing together as if squeezed from a tube; swirling cartoons with a sweet aroma and a two-second lifespan. And the stoned folks around the fire sang:
       
       Inhale the sonic waterfall
       Sweep up the crumbled rainbow
       Sprinkle the cosmic colors
       On ancient ivory gravestones
    
     Their voices were ragged and overlapped but they adhered to the beat. Three Briarpatch men pounded out a primitive rhythm on a hollow log, using thick sticks. The driving, percussive sounds that emanated from the dead wood seemed to match Gossamer’s nervous heartbeat and she started to worry about what would happen to her if they stopped. 
      Big Goran Muth noticed Gossamer staring at him and he extended the joint to her, now reduced to a smoldering roach. Gossamer shook her head. “No thanks,” she said. The acid she’d eaten was more than enough. In fact, it was too much. Big Goran Muth moved away. Without smoke to look at, Gossamer looked up at an active sky filled with spilling stars. They looked close enough to scrape her scalp. The peek of infinity they surrendered left her breathless and awestruck. And just as her mind had made crooked sense of the smoke, it now assembled the stars into complex patterns and designs of immeasurable mathematical complexity. And then the stars began to move and she saw horseback armies galloping across the galaxy, clashing against opposing forces with swords of white light. She saw crustaceans scuttling and floating through seas of milk, pursued by primordial predators. The visions were strong and Gossamer felt distressed by their violence. What did they say about her nature, her essence? Did she have a violent inner self? Was the LSD unleashing a warlike spirit? She took a hesitant step backward, afraid to continue looking and afraid to turn away. The stars were too much, the acid crawling up her spine was too much. She moved her gaze to the bonfire and thought she was dying, turning to liquid and pouring into Hell. Hell is also something the mind cannot measure. She slapped a hand over her eyes, but the churning monstrous faces that she saw behind her eyelids were even worse. She gasped and turned away from the heat, finding solace and safety in the blind darkness. The music, the beating of the log, ceased. Then started up again. This time the assembled throng sang “Blue Children of the Mushroom” also by The Crystal Asparagus.
     “You okay, baby?” someone said and Gossamer turned toward the sound, still lost in darkness.
     “Who’s there?” she said and with the question came sudden clarity of vision. There was a man standing in front of her, his bearded face disguised by flickering, splashing shadows cast by the fire. The shadows were black eels writhing.
     “My name’s Bob, baby.” He was holding a can of beer.
     “Hi Bob. And my name’s not Baby. It’s Lydia. Gossamer.”
     “Are you all right, Lydia? Gossamer?”
     “I think so. I just freaked out for a minute there.” Bob moved closer and she saw his face in sudden, excruciating detail. Shifting sands of expression.
     “But you’re okay now? What freaked you out?”
     “This!” She waved her hand, indicating the Universe. “I
feel like my dreams have seeped into the world.”
     “Maybe they have.”
     “Yeah, maybe...”
     “I’ve been where you are,” Bob said. “Many times.”
     “Oh yeah?”
     “Yeah.” Bob stepped closer and placed his hand on her arm, his fingers were tentacles. “One time I dropped acid in the rain and I saw the face of God in every drop. And then every raindrop showed me a snapshot from my own suicide.”
     “You’re suicidal?”
     “Sometimes. Sometimes the world is so full of heaviness and woe it breaks my heart...” He slid his hand to her shoulder and tried to lean in for a kiss.
     Gossamer pulled away from him and said, “I’m sorry Bob, I can’t fuck you.” And then she walked away, disappearing into the folding dark.
     Bob returned to the bonfire. He’d heard from The Underground that the girls at the Briarpatch commune were loose but Lydia’s was his second shootdown of the night. He didn’t understand it, his raindrop suicide rap usually worked on stoned hippie chicks. He eyed his next prize, a pale, blackhaired chick staring at the fire as if hypnotized. He approached her and said, “Pretty far out scene, huh?”
     He didn’t get anywhere with her either.