Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Goin' Coconuts!

He wore a bitter, taciturn expression on his eighty-two-year-old face as he reached for the fuzzy brown coconut right there in the grocery store. He brought it (the coconut) up to his ear and shook it. There was a churning liquid sound inside. He placed the coconut back among the others, picked up a second, shook it. The sound it made was low, a bass sound. There was a sticker on the hairy shell. The sticker depicted a cartoon coconut with a face. He grabbed another coconut and shook it beside his ear. The fluid inside sounded viscid and dark. There was something primordial about the sound. Coconut milk from the dawn of time. This was the one.
     When he got the coconut home he lit a Camel (he didn’t believe smoking was unhealthy and he pointed to his advanced age as proof), and opened the coconut with a hammer and chisel.
     His daughter, who had perished in 1984 due to cervical cancer was inside (in curled fetal form) and he reached for another beer and began to weep.
     Then he ate the coconut.
This picture of Lori Saunders has nothing to do with anything.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Another Advertisement for that Goddamn Book with the Cyclops Baby on the Cover...

"Go ahead and grab Leaves from the Smorgasbord. You know you want it."
"Click here big boy."

This picture provided the inspiration for my story CRYSTAL SAID in Leaves from the Smorgasbord!

Saturday, May 20, 2017

When They Stop Taking Pictures

“When they stop taking pictures, it’s all over,” she said, lighting a Satin cigarette. She spoke with a languorous southern drawl.
     “How do you stand it? Being the center of attention all the time?”
     “How do you stand being a nobody all the time?”
     “People adore you.”
     “And I adore people, darling...”
     “It would drive me crazy. All the attention.”
     “My life is never dull.”
     “Again. That would be crazy-making for me.”
     “Oh, stop being such a child.”
     “I’m only seven!”

 You can buy books here!

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Leaves from the Smorgasbord is now Available for Purchase

At last! Leaves from the Smorgasbord is available for purchase!

My goat ate my book

Read what the critics are implying about Leaves from the Smorgasbord!

“Reads like lard in an artery.”
                                 --Jack “Spaz” Spazmoid

“Leaves from the Smorgasbord really smokes! Crack.

“Get out your spackle and buckle up to tackle the treacle!”
                                 --Marsha Something